2013 goals

Well, it's 2013. We've survived the Mayan Apocalypse. We survived the election. And hopefully we will survive the fiscal cliff thing.

I have a few simple goals this new year but they will be the hard for me. I plan to be a healthier, thinner version of me. Which means eating better and more exercise. I don't have any theater gigs lined up so more getting more exercise wouldn't be hard. It's the eating better that's going to be the hardest part. I hate vegetables. I hate everything that's good for you. And it's not cheap to be healthier.

I have two big motivations this year to get in shape. One is a wedding in March. I would like to lose 20 pounds before then. The second is that I had to go to Michigan to visit my family. I'm sure there will be tons of picture-taking. And lately I do not like the way I look when taking photos. It's Ryan first trip to Michigan in almost 10 years and it will be the first time he will meet my nieces. I've also reconnected with a few friends from high school that would like to see me when I return.

I have no idea how successful I will be but I definitely need to do something.

Boredom + Facebook = Appreciation

Work has been slower than usual these last two weeks. I would like to think it's because of the holidays. I can't imagine the workflow staying at this snail's pace. I'm hoping it doesn't stay this way because I can see myself getting into all sorts of trouble. Like Facebook trouble.

Although today's random search on Facebook was pretty interesting. It reminded me of a few things. Some things that I have forgotten. And a reminder that even though I'm at a stand-still in my career, I still accomplished 90% of things I said I was going to do. And how many people can say that?

It might seem like I'm bragging and I'm really not trying to. But I have this tendency to complain even when life is good. I freely admit that I have a "more" mentality. I want more excitement. More fun. More money. More romance. More adventure. More. More. Mo...well you get the idea. I need to find daily reminders to smack me in the face & say "Quit complaining - life is good". Not a physical smack but a mental kick-in-the-pants kind of thing. I had this friend in high school that would remind me of such things in a very blunt, sarcastic way that guys know how to do. But I honestly think he did that because it would riled me up.

Anyhow, today's little reminder came via a random search through Facebook. Since I have been bored all week, I find myself doing random searches on Facebook. I started with my college and didn't find anything. Today, I searched my high school. A dangerous thing, I know, but curiosity got the best of me. Again.

I found a former classmate that always reminded me of a squirrel. Seriously, this guy looked like a squirrel in high school. He had fluffy hair that stood straight up but only in the front. Big vacant eyes and for all the money his parents had, he had gaps in his teeth. My former best friend and I would laugh every time he said "whistle" or "whip" or anything that started with "wh" because there was a slight "lsp" that came from those hideous aligned teeth.

Anyhow, this guy, Will, claimed to know everything there was to know about Hollywood & film making. And I was a bit jealous because I thought he did with the way he would rattled off the winners of the 1972 Academy Awards or how a certain film found its way to the big screen. He knew who produced what, when and with whom. I probably would have not let it get to me except he would rub it my face that he was going to get to Hollywood before me & make it big. This guy was a real jerk about it. Always talking about it. Always trying to provoke me into an argument over what was the greatest film or director. When I wouldn't engage him, he would launch into his speech of what movies he was going to make & who he has going to have play the leads. He would go on about what studios to work for & what ones to stay away. In short, he was a total douche.

I lost touch with all of my high school classmates. It's only recently that I've been adding people from high school as my Facebook friends. Only one of them is a classmate. Two of them are a year younger, so I have no beef with them. And of course, my friend Tom, who's 2 years older. The last one is one of my sister's friends. I don't list my real high school on FB so I don't come up by a high school search. If I want to find someone from high school, I have to search through a friend's list which then leads to me all sorts of places.

Today's random search led me to Will the Squirrel. I couldn't see much on his page since I'm not his friend. But what I did see made me smile and appreciate all that I have. Will does not live or work in Hollywood. He never left the Midwest. He's living in a suburb north of Chicago. He put down "freelance writer" as his career... (pause)....HAHAHAHAHAHA! (Tears of laughter are flowing) HAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't breathe, can't breathe....HAHAHAHAHAHA....wait, wait. I think I've stopped laughing. Think I'm done. HAHAHAHAHAHA! No, I lied. I can't stop laughing. HAHAHAHA!

Ok, I'm serious this time. I've stopped. This guy never left the Midwest. The douche that always had to put me down never made it to Hollywood. And for all I know, he never tried.

All my teenage years, I had people tell me I couldn't do it. I couldn't go to film school. I couldn't make a career in film. I couldn't find a job in film. I would never make it. And yes, it might have not turned out the way I had planned. I'm not the next Jerry Bruckheimer. But that's ok. I've learn to accept that I'm no good at directing. And I'm no good at production work. But what I am good at is distribution. The post production stuff. Everything I said I was going to do - go to film school, move to LA, work for the studios - I did. I had no breaks, no one to open doors for me. I did it by myself with hard work & lots of sacrifices.

Granted, I don't know what Will the Squirrel's circumstances are. Maybe he had a life changing event that turned things around for him. I'll probably never know the reason why he didn't make it out here. But it does provide me with a little sense of sweet revenge and many reasons to be so thankful for everything I have. Even if things seem to be standing still.

Almost short lived....

Over Thanksgiving, I was listening to some friends talk about their blogs when I realized, "Oh yea. I have a blog somewhere". Didn't I say my blog might be short lived?

I find it funny that from my early teen years all the way through my twenties, I could write for hours about what's going on in my life. I remember I couldn't go to bed till I put everything down on paper. I even remember telling myself "I'll write for 30 minutes & go to bed". But in reality, those 30 minutes turned into 60+ minutes and several pages later. So why in my 30's is it so hard to spend a few minutes updating this blog?

Well, I plan to change that. I've changed the background of my blog to something more cheery & positive. And I might just change my outlook on some things. I said MIGHT. No guarantees and definitely no promises.

My thoughts on Chick-fil-A

Chick-fil-A has been in the news a lot around here. Whether it was news of opening a Hollywood location (yes, that was really big news here) or their support of "anti-gay" organizations, people talk a lot of Chick-fil-A.

Until 5 years ago, I had never heard of Chick-fil-A. Had no idea what it was or why my husband claimed it was the best chicken sandwich ever. He was shocked that I had never heard of them and was determined to get me to one as soon as possible. At the time, the nearest one was in Long Beach, in the middle of a shopping mall plaza. We made plans to go shopping and then to Chick-fil-A one Sunday afternoon. But as soon as we got to the restaurant, it dawned on my husband that Chick-fil-A is close on Sundays. It was such an odd concept to me. Why would a fast food restaurant be close on a Sunday? My husband informed me that it was based on a religious belief. Being raised a Catholic (but not practicing), it made sense to me. But it would be another two weeks later before I got my first Chick-fil-A sandwich.

And what a delicious sandwich it was. I wouldn't say it's the best but it is very good. Since then, I've moved on from the sandwiches to the strips. I do think their chicken strips are the best.

The other day, I openly admitted to some co-workers that I go to Chick-fil-A every now and then. I look at Chick-fil-A as a treat. The Hollywood location is crowded and not near anything convenient for me. But if I'm nearby, I might stop for some strips & a cookies & creme milkshake. My co-workers were shocked that I would patronized such a horrible company. Equally shocked, I said "what's with all the hate?". That unleashed an angry rant about how Chick-fil-A is against the gays and anyone other than the Christian faith.

There are 3 things I don't discuss with people - religion, politics and my weight. Seriously. Any time a conversation veers towards those 3 topics, I shut my mouth & walk away. I feel that those 3 topics are personal & you will never win a debate. In fact, I've seen people lose friendships over such topics.

My response to them was that as Christians, the 7th day was intended for rest. Most religions do have a day that is intended to be for rest & reflection. The Jews have the Sabbath, Christians have Sundays and Islam have Fridays. (Although in Islam, Friday is not a day of rest but a day of obligatory worship).

But Chick-fil-A's reason for being closed on Sunday is not a religious reason but more of a practical reason. S. Truett Cathy, the creator of Chick-fil-A, opened his first restaurant on a Tuesday and by the time Sunday came around, he was exhausted. So, he closed the restaurant that first Sunday & it has followed that tradition since. But this simple explanation did not please my co-workers. "What about the gays?" they said.

Yes, I do feel bad that gays & lesbians are not allowed to marry in this country. But I do not feel that because Chick-fil-A supports traditional families in the biblical definition that is the reason why gays cannot marry in this country. Chick-fil-A has been supporting organizations like Marriage & Family Foundation (commonly referred to as an "anti-gay" organization) since 2002. Which is 2 years after Vermont becomes the 1st state to recognized civil unions between gay or lesbian couples and 6 years before the whole Prop 8 movement. And in 2002, there were no Chick-fil-A in the state of Vermont.

What gets me is that their stance on family values has not changed. In 2011, the Jim Henson Company began a kids meal licensing arrangement w/ Chick-fil-A only to pull out of it 7 months later, was a publicity stunt. Either that or bad research on the Jim Henson Company side. I love the Jim Henson Company but I felt the whole ordeal was just to gain emotional support for the Prop 8 movement. Oh, my co-workers didn't like that.

But Chick-fil-A does support other organizations. Like the Kyle Petty Charity Ride Across America which benefits terminally ill children. And the Race for a Cure. The Revlon Walk. And many Big 12 conferences of college athletics. Which are mostly overlooked by the mass public.

Has the Chick-fil-A corporation made mistakes? Yes.

Have they said the wrong things to the wrong people? Yes.

Have they been anal jerks regarding their trademarks? Yes

But show me a corporation that hasn't made a mistake or been a jerk to the little guy. Show me a corporation where its hands are entirely clean. Show me a company that has said all the right things at the right time. But you can't because this is America where mistakes can be made and forgiven.

If Chick-fil-A does not support gay & lesbian rights, well, that's their choice. It may not be a profitable choice but as an American company, they have that right. As Americans, we yell & scream when our rights are infringed upon. But what are we doing when we infringe our beliefs on someone's rights? As Americans, we have the right to choose what we want to believe in, where to spend our money & what foods we should eat. We should not be judge by our consumer habits. Just because I enjoy the chicken strips at Chick-fil-A does not make me an anti-gay supporter.

I get it - I'm not an actress

This is a theatre-related post. And before I go further, I clearly admit that I am not an actress. Although it is safe to say I have 'acted' my way out of certain situations. But I have never audition for a part, got the part, memorize lines and then perform said lines.

When I was younger, I did audition for a children's play but I got such stage fright, I couldn't remember any of the lines. To this day, I still have trouble getting in front of a large crowd and speaking. I did have to memorize a monologue in high school. But on the day I was suppose to deliver my monologue, I faked a panic attack. Or my idea of what a panic attack was like, thanks to my dad's medical dictionary. (It would be another 5 years before I would have a real panic attack). My so-called panic attack was so convincing, I was excused from such exercises. I have taken one acting class in college and it was called "Acting Techniques for Directors". Which really wasn't an acting class. It was more of a class to learn how to handle actors from director's side of things. I don't remember much of this class other than this is where I met my adorable husband.

So, as you can see, I am not an actress. I don't pretend to know what an actor goes through in preparing for a role. I've been around enough actors to make an educational guess. I've seen some actors completely immerse themselves into the role and then I've seen actors who have somehow 'winged it' through the process. I have always assumed that each actor has their own methods. Which is fine by me. I actually like to see how actors become their characters. It's quite amazing to watch when the actors 'get it'. It is the "light bulb goes on" moments. I can always see it when it happens. It usually happens several times to each actor during the rehearsal process. And every now and then, I see it on stage during a performance. It's rare - like watching lighting from a distance. You don't hear anything but you see it and then it's gone.

I've been stage managing a play where there is a hostage situation in Act 2. One of the characters, Vince, is on the phone for 2 1/2 pages with the cops trying to explain the demands. So, we (the audience) only hear half the conversation. Meanwhile, the captor is talking to Vince and there's another conversation going on at the other side of the stage.

The guy playing Vince seems like he has a brain but he is having trouble with his lines. In the last two rehearsals, he has asked the director with help on his lines. The director keeps saying "think of the stakes" and "focus on your lines, not the other lines in the scene". Not extremely helpful but Vince keeps trying. And he keeps struggling. So during our break on Sunday, I approached Vince and propose that we should run the lines as an actual conversation over the phone. In the last couple of plays I have managed, there has been one-sided phone conversations and I've noticed that it is extremely helpful to the actor if the director acts as if he is on the other line, baiting the actor's next lines. All the information I need to know is in the lines. It can't be that hard.

At first, Vince doesn't get what I'm saying. Ok, so maybe this guy only has half of a brain. That's ok - we can work with that. So I tell him that I would act as the negotiator on the other end of his conversation and we will run just Vince's lines. Now, I'm kind of excited to try this. I already know what I'm going to say that will make sense for his lines. And if we ignore all the other lines, I think that will help him find clarity in the lines. Thinking he would agree to this idea, he says "Thank you but no offense, you're not an actor. You can't understand what's being said between the lines. Or understand what my character is going through".

Are you fucking kidding me? I can't possibly know what's going on in these two pages? Between all the movies, tv shows and theatre I have seen involving a hostage situation, I can't understand what's being said?! Not to mention it doesn't take a degree in microbiology to figure out what's been said if you are saying "Yes, sir, he has a gun and he's waving it around".

I get that actors are overwhelmed in rehearsal especially if they are not off book. And most of them don't want help unless it's from the director. But I always have to wonder at what point does logic take a backseat that you can't think clearly. If you are having trouble and you can't get the help from the source you are seeking it from, wouldn't it be better to try something else than doing nothing? It's early in the process so if this little exercise doesn't work, it wouldn't do damage to the character development. As an actor, are you really that worried at taking a risk? I've always thought actors should take risks and be encourage to do so. Some of the greatest moments have been discovered in taking risk. And let's be real, we're not doing anything that risky. I'm trying to use common sense to solve his dilemma.

Ok, so maybe I am taking it a bit personal but it's not like I don't have a clue on how theatre works. Yes, I haven't directed a thing since college. But really? This is so simple! I know common sense is rare in LA but really??? Sigh....You know what? Fine - struggle with your lines. Pull your hair out & get mad at the director, the writer and/or at yourself for not getting it. No one watches the girl in the booth smirking at your lines.

Review of "Men In Black 3" - Worth the wait

Can you believe it's been 15 years since we were introduced to Agent K, his new recruit, Agent J & the world of MIB? And 10 years since the horrible sequel, MIB 2? Yea, you forgot about that one, didn't you? No worries, I think most of us either forgot about it or wish we could forget about it.

As a huge fan of the first movie, I was very disappointed with MIB 2. So, I was a little skeptic when I heard the news of a third MIB. My first thought was "They can't do any worse". And they didn't. In fact, the great cast & overflowing humor made the movie worth the wait.

Forget that MIB 2 ever happened. All you need to know before going to see this movie is that Agent K (played by Tommy Lee Jones) is back at MIB headquarters with his wise-cracking partner, Agent J (played by Will Smith). The movie starts off like its just another day at the office for our favorite agents. Some rogue alien is terrorizing the neighborhood & MIB show up with their cool guns & neuralizers. The film takes a somber note as we are informed that Agent Zed (previously played by Rip Torn) is no longer around. One has to wondered if Torn's recent legal problems made him too much of a liablity issue for the production. Nonetheless, the humor picks up and the audience says "Zed who?" when we are introduced to Agent O, (played by the delightful Emma Thompson).

Without giving too much away, Agent J goes back to 1969 to save a young Agent K, (played by Josh Brolin), from Boris, the last member of an alien race that Agent K helped destroyed. And he has to help save Earth from imminent attack in his present time, 2012.

If the time travel story line seems confusing, don't worry. The script's explanation of time travel is successfully presented by a new character addition. Griffin (Michael Stuhlbard) is an alien who is capable of viewing multiple iterations of reality. It may not be the best way to explain time travel but it's the shortest and humorous version audiences can understand.

Like the first movie, the dynamic between J and K, coupled with tried-and-true alien gags, aren’t stale. The late 1960s setting offers a lot of fresh ideas. Especially for Agent J. Being a black man in 1969 was tough but it was communicated humorously, which made the encounters less awkward and more eye opening. Also, the script uses a lot of the 1960s 'dated' technology as gags for our heroes.

As seen in the previews, Josh Brolin plays an excellent young Agent K. He completely subsumes himself into the style and sound of another. The performance works like an optical illusion - we see Brolin but we are fooled into seeing Agent K, making Jones youthful again. In short, it's a bait-and-switch but because it is so well-crafted, it works!

The one thing different about this movie is that it feels more intense and grown-up than the first two. There is more violence & death than the first two movies put together. The film is rated PG-13 but I feel it barely stays within that rating.

Overall, I like it. It was a fun ride. Not as good as the first one but then again, they never are. It has an ingenious plot, bizarre aliens, a cliff-hanger and a ending that I think all MIB fans will appreciate. The only thing I believe it was lacking was a catchy Will Smith song that you can sing all the way to the parking lot. Rating: B+

Does it really matter???

I'm not one to draw things out in public. I like to keep my personal disappointments to myself. It must be my "weak" complexion because there's something about talking about my problems out loud that makes me cringe. Also, I believe it's a deep rooted issue I have that goes all the way back to high school. (Yes, a lot of my issues stem from those 4 years of hell on Earth).

Anyhow, when I'm disappointed or hurt, I usually ponder what went wrong for a few hours or days (depending on the severity of the situation) and then move on. Sometimes, something else will remind me of that hurtful moment and then I'm drawn back into the past for a bit & then snapped out it. But there's just one thing that bothers me from time to time. I come back to this situation quite a bit.

Last fall, I tried expanding my circle of friends by looking on CraigsList. Yes, I know, probably not the best place to find decent human beings. But I did find my friend Sasha there and there's tons of postings "looking" for friends on there. Besides, LA is the hardest place to make real lasting friends. Especially if you're in your 30's. And poor.

I found this really cool chick named Jessica in September. We went dancing, did some photography together and hit the bars a few times. She was a few years younger than me, had done more traveling but we had so much in common. She enjoyed doing the same things I love to do. She actually kept up with me. I had thought this was a best friend in the making. At first, I didn't tell her I was married. I mean, what single chick wants to hang out with a married one? I had thought that once we hung out enough, being married wouldn't matter. Especially since I helped her pick up a couple guys at the bar. I'm like the best wingman someone could have. I like flirting. I like men. But I don't want any of them. Competition eliminated. (Although I would give her a run for her money).

Then in late October, I invited her to Lucha VaVroom with Ryan and Brad. I had an extra ticket and I knew I was the 3rd wheel so why not invite her? I debated introducing Ryan as my husband to her but held off. Then half way through the event, I felt comfortable telling her Ryan was my husband. She acted like it was no big deal. She said it made sense since I didn't take any phone numbers from the guys at the bar. So, I thought we were cool.

Nope, we weren't.

It started with she was working a lot of overtime at her job in preparation for the holidays. She didn't have time to hang out. Then, she stopped returning my calls and emails. Then, my emails were being bounced back to me as undeliverable. By Christmas, I had given up. Chucked it up to her lost. But was it really her lost?

I'm only thinking about her now for 2 reasons. I found a picture of her at the only photography event we did. And that I was begging people to go with me to the Dodger game this weekend. Not only was I begging my friends but I was begging people on Craiglist. How sad is that that I couldn't find anyone in LA to go with me to a free Dodger game?

Ryan says I ruin the friendship by telling Jessica I was married. But does it really matter? Is it really that big of a deal? Can only single people hang out with other single people? I don't care for kids but I hang out with adults that have kids. And besides, how long could I have really gone on not declaring my status?

So this train of thought takes a wicked turn towards me. I know I'm difficult. I don't adjust well. I have a high standards for people. And I have a lot of hatred for pop culture things that most people like. (I'm looking at you Twilight, Uggs and Pinkberry). I know I distance myself for others and I have trust issues (again - I have high school to thank for that). But am I a hard person to be friends with? Maybe it wasn't being married that chase Jessica away. I like to think I have the qualities of a good friend - loyalty, honesty, compassion, somewhat intelligent, humble, strength. But maybe I don't.

I think back to some of my past best friends. There were those two bitches from high school. Best friends since 6th grade. I did everything I could to salvage those friendships but it wasn't enough. Amy slept w/ my then-boyfriend when I was out of town to get back at me for something petty. With Colleen - I don't know where to start with that. There were so many issues. Loyal to the end got me nothing but misery.

Then there's Tom, who I thought was my friend but he was just being a guy. So I can't get mad at him. Not that it does any good to get mad at him.

And there's his sister, Tinie, who is my oldest friend. But being 3 time zones apart is hard. I would say she is my best friend but that's because she's the closest that fits that description.

And that's my list of my best friends - past & present. Really sad. I get that people are going to come and go during your lifetime. But why is it so damn hard to find a best friend? I'm 33 years old and I'm starting to think maybe it is me.